i jhust puked up my retainher.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
