I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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