just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have fence marks all over my body
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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