I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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