I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
