My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
