I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
