apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
