It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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