I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
