Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
