You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
