Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
