I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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