A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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