Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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