Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think your dad took our porno
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
