Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
