people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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