i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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