By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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