I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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