Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
