Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
