C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
the raccoons are back...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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