Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
