We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
