Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
