I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I won't apologize to a one balled man
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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