I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
