can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
now i know why i became what i already was.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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