I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You took a bar mat shot.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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