I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
