I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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