this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
