Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
