I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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