tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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