If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
