No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
