I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
there is puke in my bra ... again
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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