Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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