gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
