I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
