I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize