I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
