I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
