My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
