That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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