My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
