My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
