I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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