If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
