i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
